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Trying to get my voice out!

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Unfamiliar Family

WARNING. a very negative post. Just me complaining.

I have stronger bond with the maternal side of my family. I can named everyone of them, what they do for living, their new family members (In-law, newborn) and which school/university they in right now. They are the one that help me a lot, encourage and also motivate me. Each of them have their very own problem and success, and they handle it quite good. My mama once told me that our neighbour (which also a friend with my uncle) said that my Opah (grandmother) have a very successful children. With them I can cry, laugh and hell I care a lot about them.

But thats not the case with my paternal side of family. I'm at my total opposite. I only knew their face. I've totally forget the order of my fathers sibling. When I see one of them, my mind just think "that is just my relatives." I just don't really care about them. To be honest, I'm quite furious about them, about what they did to my mama. I hear things and I couldn't stand it. From the point, they may see a perfect happy family. I can only see threat from them.

They always critised the action of our family specifically my mama. I grew up seeing a lot of thing and everytime my mama share some stories with me, I couldn't help myself from crying silently. Now I'm here in Germany and all I can say to my mother is "Just ignores those kind of people. Just do what you think the best." Recently my mom offer to treat a relatives (I called her Wan Putih) that babysat me and my siblings when we were little with an Umrah trip as token of gratitude. Wan Putih said that she really wants to go for an Umrah but most of her children are too busy to bring her, hence my mama invitation. And they said my mama is stingy when my mom said they can tag along if thwy want but they need to pay it themselves. Dude! My mom already payed for my family which is already 7 person plus my Opah and Wan Putih too. I was really angry when I heard the story. I really want to face them and say "Well if you guys have enough money to travel and shop in Vietnam and Beijing, then why the hesitation to spend money for Umrah??"

Growing up seeing all kind of ridiculous things my mama need to bear really make me a defensive person. Well... with a twisted mind too. I once a very hot-blooded person. Since now I have throw away those unhealthy habit, I didn't know where to channel my anger. I ended up bearing all my anger inside myself. I ended up being a secretive person. Writing all this down really lighten up the burden a bit. I literally crying when I write this plus makes my homesickness reached a new level. I even call home at 3 am and cry throughout the phone call.

So whoever read this, I'm so sorry about my bad post. I am right now in the middle of sleep-deprived stage due to exam depression and at my highest level of homesickness. Making thing worst, I'm tired throughout the day with uncontroll eating habit.

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