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Trying to get my voice out!

Saturday, 18 August 2012

My Love Life

Hm, somehow I feel like talking about love today. I never love anyone but a boy from my high school days. Nah, I already forget him and move on. It takes a few years though, not to care about him.

So, to be honest, I actually never really thought about why I love him. Appearence maybe contribute about 20%. Behavior contribute about 30%. Remaining 50% is a mystery even for me. After a while, I realized that I care and want to know more about him. That was the trigger.

As any normal girl would do, I try to give present and things to him. But all of it was a secret action through my friend. I gave him a necktie, a planner book, a cap and many more. I never actually saw him wore that tie although my friend said that he wore that tie one day. And everytime I could get closer to him, I will be really happy.

We also went to the same camp after we graduate our high school. For me, that day was a history. I took all my confidence and courage, and confessed to him. Its not really through "I ♥ U" phrases. I'll never forget that day. The surrounding, the talk, the accident, our friend's chit-chat. Everything are glued in my brain. After I confessed, he stood up and walk away. As I predicted. Shock and rejected.

We never met after that camp. I sent a message telling everything that I want to tell. After 3 month we met again at a camp. That is definitely awkward for me.

After 3 month and finally meeting him, I somehow behaved stupidly and idiotic. I once remove him as friend from facebook (re-add after I got my sense back). The worst thing is I nicknamed him Mr. F***. He once really angry to me and scold me virtually at facebook. I was the one to be blame! Until now, I am ashamed of myself. So, even if he didn't forgive me, I am willingly to accept that decision. Because I know I didn't deserve his forgiveness.

Until today, I think he still ignore and avoid any contact with me, virtually or reality. "Don't worry I don't have the same feeling as 5 years ago". I glad to know that he is a really good person. I think he already found the woman of his life. "Well friend, I'm happy for you. Don't forget to invite me to your wedding ceremony. I'll definitely come!". I am now just a friend with a history to you

P/s : could you just be my friend?
P/s : I never love someone ever since

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