Chained

I realized a lot of thing about myself after I read half of book by Yasmin Mogahed, "Reclaim Your Heart".

I seek for friendship really hard. I tend to depend on it. I shouldn't done that. As I place my dependance wrongly, I am hurt by it. Allah is the One that I should depend the most. Afterall, Allah is eternal. And we human seek for eternity in every aspect of life.

I take friendship seriously. So serious that I felt greed. When we place our dependance wrongly, we never felt completely satisfied. The satisfaction is temporary. Although I am surrounded by a lot of friends, I still feel lonely. I become greedy. I become jealous of everything. I try to change myself. I find myself in a constant state of loneliness. I felt alienated and isolated. I miss being myself.

I am a person that care too much. If love can be count, I gave 10 to people that care for me when they gave me 3 sincere love. That kind of people is so special to me. So special that I specified them in every of my Du'a. Those are the people that I miss. I long for them.

I realized that all of these madness I currently having come from my problematic self. I neither blame nor hate other people. It my own self that I hate. I decided to break free from this shackle. I had enough. I couldn't care. I just wanna be free

On my way to München. Again