Chained

I realized a lot of thing about myself after I read half of book by Yasmin Mogahed, "Reclaim Your Heart".

I seek for friendship really hard. I tend to depend on it. I shouldn't done that. As I place my dependance wrongly, I am hurt by it. Allah is the One that I should depend the most. Afterall, Allah is eternal. And we human seek for eternity in every aspect of life.

I take friendship seriously. So serious that I felt greed. When we place our dependance wrongly, we never felt completely satisfied. The satisfaction is temporary. Although I am surrounded by a lot of friends, I still feel lonely. I become greedy. I become jealous of everything. I try to change myself. I find myself in a constant state of loneliness. I felt alienated and isolated. I miss being myself.

I am a person that care too much. If love can be count, I gave 10 to people that care for me when they gave me 3 sincere love. That kind of people is so special to me. So special that I specified them in every of my Du'a. Those are the people that I miss. I long for them.

I realized that all of these madness I currently having come from my problematic self. I neither blame nor hate other people. It my own self that I hate. I decided to break free from this shackle. I had enough. I couldn't care. I just wanna be free

On my way to München. Again

Important Journey

I want to know everything
The answer to my question
The solution to my problem
I need to take that journey
To search the answer, the solution

But what journey should I choose?
a spiritual journey where I cleanse myself
a mental journey where I do a lot of thinking
a physical journey where I enjoy myself
Or take all of it at once?

Desert

I feel like I'm in desert right now. Alone an waiting for some reply. I applied a lot for a placement in a company. But I only received one respond. Alhamdulillah that only respond leads to Interview. But thats it. Dead silence after that.

Searching a placement for internship has definetely on top of my "Thing I hate to do in Germany" list. Searching for an apartment is now at second place.

Too desperate for a placement. ○|￣|_

Fate

There are 2 type of fate. The one that we can control and the one that we can't control. But as a servant of Allah, effort is the most inportant thing.

Marriage
Fate determine with who and when we get marry.
I used to think that I should wait for the love of my life. But my friends once said, people that wait without any work are useless. Strike right at my heart. Touched.

Islam never treat their woman as a Princess. They treat us woman as both a Queen and a warrior. I don't want to be like Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty waiting to be rescued, giving themselves to any man that rescue them. I want to a woman that free myself from any oppression and obstacle. I want to choose for myself. Like Siti Khadijah r.a that choose to proposed Prophet Muhammad pbuh. I want to find my own best Prince by myself.

I once read a comment of a father shared in Facebook.

“If my daughter that ask my permision to get marry is a girl that mingle among guys, go home late at night, I never let her marry the guy. But if my daughter is a girl that respect herself, wear proper clothes and obidient to Allah and His Prophet, I'll be more that happy to marry my daughter. A good Woman is for a good man and vice versa”

I need to prepare myself.
I need to be better.
I need to be worthy.

I already prepared my step. I just need a proper time to execute the plan. After study or final year of my bachelor would be a good time InsyaAllah.

I'll make sure Iqa will always be by my side for every step I make. I need some support.
After my parent, Iqa will be the one that know everything first. I want Iqa by my side through every step towards marriage, Engagement and tying the knot.

Peel My Skin

Annoyed                                      
Irritated
Heartbroken    +     PMS     ⇨    Time Bomb
Sick
Furious

Regret everything on my mind
Not normal, dude!

Why Sometimes I Choose to Travel Alone

1) Fun
There is a different kind of fun I get when I travel alone. Surely having companions fun, but when I travels alone, I enjoy the time with myself.

2) Control
When I travel alone, I get to control everything. I can visit any place I want, I can eat anytime I want, I can walk at my own pace etc. I don't get this kind of control when you travel in group although you are the leader of the group.

3) “Me” time
Since I started travel alone, I know my own ability. I know what I can do. Travelling alone also help build my confidence. I learn to trust and look at myself better.

4) No negative Feeling.
This part probably triumph the reason why I travel alone. People don't have to put up with my attitude and I don't have to put up their attitude. Its mutual. I don't have to worry about what other thinks about me or what I think about them. I travel happier without any feel of discomfort. I can concentrate more on my holiday too. I hate the feeling when I hold up everything I feel.

Surely I love to travel with other people. But for me, my ideal group travel is 4 people. Less is better. When its about travelling, I agree with Sheldon Cooper. More is not merrier. It is sometime suffocating.

Who Knew...

Who knew that we now can be this close?
Who knew we seek each other when we search for travel companions?
Who knew we enjoy our time around each other?
Who knew we will established a self-proclaimed “Geng Jalan”?

We were once barely knew each other.
We were once barely speak with each other.
And now look where we are.
Thanks for fun I always have, Geng Jalan

Tribute from a friend that miss :
# Iqa, Che Mat, Hakim - I can't wait for upcoming summer plan
# Tika Masjuni, Mizan, Wak - Having you guys does make everything better